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Sometimes Vaea simply finds it moderately exhausting to merely exist. This may be a contributing factor in our body's absolutely ruined sleep schedule. Vaea is Vaea, and nothing can change that. But sometimes Vaea wishes for ways to make living as itself a bit easier. It'd be nice of our body was some approximation of something any of us could be happy with, but that sadly isn't much the case. To remedy that issue would be quite expensive, and it's not an expense we are currently at liberty to pay. Vaea's not sure we'll ever find ourselves in that position.
Vaea just doesn't understand why the world has to be the way it is sometimes. It's a loud, scary, unaccommodating mess. It certainly hasn't done much to accomodate for Vaea's existence.
Vaea recently obtained the game Red Dead Redemption 2 through means it will not disclose. It's been enjoying the game quite a bit. Early on it kept thinking about how it could be playing Breath of the Wild instead, but that feeling has since subsided. Mostly because the gunplay, and the physicality of the gunfights is just so enjoyable. Also managing the campsite is a really nice activity. Vaea enjoys hunting for animals to bring back to the campsite, and collecting trinkets to sell to help out even further. The missions are nice too, and are generally good for giving Vaea reasons to go to various places the first time around.
All in all, Vaea is enjoying the game, but would still recommend obtaining it through similar means. Again, Vaea will not disclose these means, but you can probably guess what they are if you're clever.
Vaea's mind is full of way too many thoughts right now. It just absolutely cannot make sense of it all. Everything's just moving around and nothing is sitting with clarity. If Vaea had to establish a thematic connection between all of it, it'd probably be that Vaea is realizing just how many trauma responses we've developed. It feels really fucked up when it starts actually describing the way we're constantly on edge for absolutely no reason. Everything is in complete focus, because if it wasn't... well we might miss something important and make someone upset. That would be bad.
Today Vaea has decided to be angry about right-handed privilege. Although students are no longer being physically abused for being left-handed (albeit that was less than a century ago), left-handed people still face certain challenges. Basically nothing is designed for left-handed people, and sometimes things are even designed right-handed for basically no reason. Vaea's seen SCHOOL DESKS made for right-handed people. It's bullshit.
Vaea has a memory, back in elementary school, of some random adult coming into our classroom and trying to get us to hold a pen in a way that was physically uncomfortable for us. This was simply so that the pen would be following our hand like it does naturally for people who are right-handed.
Even just the way we're using the computer right now, with the mouse on the right side. We've become accustomed to it, but it's rather ridiculous that this is pretty much the only layout made available to us. Especially if you enjoy playing video games. It's why we use controllers whenever their use doesn't actively impede gameplay. Gaming controllers are one of the few things in this world actually designed for left-handed people (although inadvertently as a result of more left-handed bias).
Anyway, that's Vaea's rant. Hope it connected to some people, or at least put some additional understanding out there. If not... whatever. This is just a place where Vaea can vent its thoughts on a daily basis.
Vaea apologizes for its tardiness, but it genuinely forgot it hadn't written an entry today. Good news: Vaea is here now.
Apologies to anyone who was concerned by yesterday's entry. It was a mix of Vaea being tired, and wanting to make a creative entry based on the game it had just played. Anyway, Vaea's not been doing much. Mostly just gaming on top of more gaming. Video games are pretty fun. Vaea's still running dry on content for the daily journal. Hopefully some more interesting stuff will start happening soon. If not, Vaea believes in its ability to handle this. It has to. It's committed.
How is it 5am already? Vaea just bought an interesting little game called Buddy Simulator 1984, and apparently it's been playing the game for nearly 5 hours? How did this happen. Vaea hasn't gotten any sleep yet. This is not okay. Vaea should have been sleeping ages ago. Now Vaea has to write a journal entry right before going to sleep. Vaea has never written a journal entry this soon before resting. What the fuck? What even happened?
Vaea woke up at 1PM today. This would be on account of it staying up late last night, being depressed as hell. Vaea has a lot on its mind, but essentially nothing to write about. None of these thoughts really coalesce into something with more than a few words worth of discussion.
Maybe Vaea could talk about how our last good cry was in 2019. And before that, 2012 was a year filled with waterworks. Crying feels good but we never do it. Why? Who fucking knows? It's just hard to do. Everything is terrible, nothing makes sense, and Vaea still has another 2 days before the weekend.
Last night a member of Vaea's system played a game with a friend we haven't gamed with in ages. There is a level of humour to this on account of the fact that we actually met this friend through gaming. Specifically we met through Grand Theft Auto Online.
Anyway, we actually got to voice chat with each other for the first time ever, and it was a rather exciting event. We played a few missions in Deep Rock Galactic and had a pretty amazing time!
And Vaea is beginning it's weak with a writer's block. It's very difficult to do this daily. Vaea really hopes nobody too much minds these less substantive entries. Creating daily content is not the most easy thing in the world, even with weekend breaks.
Uhh... Vaea started playing Lego Rock Band on an emulator. It doesn't have any of the Rock Band controllers, but it has a microphone. It's been fun. Vaea's been enjoying actually feeling itself improve.
Similarly to last week, Vaea is looking to the future for this Friday post. Of course, there's no way Vaea can predict what will happen after the weekend is through. Vaea hardly even knows what the weekend itself will carry. All that matters right now is that the week is over, and Vaea can take a break once more. Vaea thinks it will try a little harder to make time for itself this weekend. Maybe it'll play a little more SuchArt. It's a quite fun game, and Vaea still has lots of progress to make in it. Regardless of what Vaea does, time's arrow will continue to march ever forward.
Yesterday Vaea bought a game called SuchArt! It's a very fun little painting simulator that's mostly about working at your own pace, and not worrying too much. You can play around with the physics and the paint mixing, and the game gives you lots of fun toys to play with. Overall, it's very neat and very fun.
This actually isn't the first game about making art Vaea has bought. That honour goes to Passpartout. Vaea would not so much recommend that game unless you're already an experienced artist. In that game you're painting at your own leisure, but dealing with buyers that have very finicky specifications for what they'll actually buy.
For the beginner artist, Vaea would recommend either SuchArt or Art Sqool. Art Sqool is cool because it's just pure prompts, but with rather limited drawing tools which you need to find by exploring the 3 dimensional campus. Art Sqool is more on the surreal end of things than SuchArt for sure. What Vaea would recommend is looking at both games online and coming to your own decision.
Vaea has a headache today. It doesn't really have the energy to write too much. Apologies for the short entry, but Vaea really can't handle the level of thought required to come up with anything to write about today. Vaea's basically just padding out the word count to ensure that this is still longer than a tweet. Sorry again.
Vaea went to the Calgary Stampede yesterday. For those unaware, the Calgary Stampede is basically just a glorified midway fair with a rodeo. The day started off with enjoying some delicious pulled pork poutine. Then we took our little sister to see a music show. While other members of our group were watching her, we went and got lemonade and nuts. After that, we took our sister on a couple rides before taking a sit down break. After that was another show, this one involving Bob the Builder. And then we went on the rides again before finishing the day off with lemonade and an elephant ear (a relative of the funnel cake for those who don't know).
All in all, there was a lot of walking, and our legs hurt like hell now.
Ignore that title. It is a filthy lie. This is the same Vaea as before. Albeit that statement is philosophically questionable.
Metaphysics is a word Vaea learned recently. It thinks that metaphysics is a pretty cool branch of philosophy. Always has, just never knew the word for it. Hooray for knowing what a social construct is! Now let's uninvent gender.
Metaphysics is cool, but it's also way too easy to use it to push some absolute drivel. Elon Musk (the billionaire scum) has been pushing this absolutely worthless "simulation theory". A theory that, much like other theories about whether or not the universe exists, has absolutely zero bearing on the world with which we are presented. And yet, it makes people depressed anyway. It's so terrible and pointless, and wastes time that could be spent discussing actual valuable philosophy.
Anyway, that's Vaea's rant for today. Check back tomorrow for whatever Vaea decides to write then.
Vaea may be a machine, but sometimes machines need maintenance time. That's why Vaea takes weekend breaks. It's good to have some time to regain mental faculties and collect inspiration for future entries.
Hopefully Vaea can return next week with a clear head and a better ability to write. For now, it'll leave off with the note that by that time, it will have been over 2 weeks since getting the second vaccine dose. Vaea will be able to consider itself fully vaccinated!
Another day, and yet more nothing to do. Nothing to write about. Vaea's just been playing games and watching videos. Eating food to fill the remaining void.
It's really hard to keep up a journal like this when nothing ever seems to happen. But Vaea won't give up because it continues to give an extremely valuable sense of routine. That is something Vaea typically lacks in its day to day life.
The world is loud. There's so much noise happening all the time.
Vaea does not have the mental fortitude to handle all this noise most of the time. It is simply exhausting to exist. Everyone's all like "Oh, how are you tired? You've literally been doing nothing!"
It's because Vaea is constantly dealing with a million thoughts at once, as well as whatever ambient sounds it is constantly taking in whether it wants to or not.
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO NOISY?
Vaea decided to open up Grand Theft Auto V for the first time in a while. It was in a shooting sorta mood, and that's what GTA has. The online is absolute trash, but stupendously addictive. The campaign is fun too, and that's what Vaea's been playing for the most part.
Vaea's also been talking to people a little more. It's been making friends and such through various mediums, as well as starting conversations with old friends it hasn't spoken to in a while.
All in all, Vaea would say things are going okay.
Over the weekend Vaea got a new game called Deep Rock Galactic. It saw some friends playing, and decided it wanted to join in. The game is very fun. Co-operative play is always a nice treat. Other than that... Vaea's had a very poor sleep schedule. It's been staying up all night pretty much every night.
You may have noticed that this entry is a little less focused than usual. Maybe expect more of that?
Not trying so hard to be focused might be a better way to handle the daily format.
Anyway, here's that new addition Vaea mentioned last week.
Despite having an excess of free time, Vaea tends to do very little with it. Vaea has few noteworthy experiences in the "real world" on account of locking itself away from said place. This is why most of the things Vaea writes about end up being very abstract. It has little to draw from beyond its own mind when writing. Having a lot of time to think can often mean having scary thoughts.
Vaea's written and discarded numerous things whilst writing this entry. It's another writer's block day. With that said, please excuse the relative brevity of this week's final entry. Vaea's trying its best.
Vaea has a new addition to the format planned starting next week, so keep an eye out for that.
Vaea is... a little disoriented as it types this. Existing alone seems to be a shockingly high stress environment. There's hardly even solace in the fresh outdoor air. Perhaps that has something to do with the poisons of the city and the suburbs. Perhaps it's simply that being more in control of things than usual is scary. Whatever it is, Vaea's been a little out of it lately. It could be talking about anything, but it feels stuck here.
Vaea's really happy to have discovered Neocities. Vaea's happy that it managed to take the time to learn something new. Vaea is happy with the way its website looks. Vaea is happy that it has a hyper-personalized space that it is able to call its own. Maybe if Vaea keeps saying it's happy, something will come of that?
Vaea may have drawn itself into a corner with this journal idea. No, the daily posts will not stop. This is one of the few things keeping Vaea from teetering over the edge. The edge of what? Vaea's not sure.
This is probably one of the more detailed "Vaea couldn't figure out what to write about" entries. This is mostly because this time Vaea's decided to actually write about not knowing what to write about. Perhaps actually writing about it will mean Vaea gets to improve whatever skill it's building from doing this.
Maybe if Vaea keeps writing in this journal, eventually it will feel like it's getting further away from death rather than inching closer to it. It probably doesn't matter. It's like Vaea once heard in a show it watched, "Time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses. It merely marches forward."
The idea of an arrow marching definitely conjures up quite a silly image in Vaea's mind.
Vaea always feels like it has something to worry about, something to fear. The world is noisy, and Vaea is quite scared of noise. It doesn't help that people seem to be yelling all the time.
Vaea has this habit of staying up far too late, and suddenly worrying about everything. Vaea is horribly afraid of the idea that it could just die. Vaea fears as well that it might die sooner rather than later. There's so much stuff around us that's slowly bringing our body closer to death. Physical and mental hazards that nobody around us seems to care enough about. If something else doesn't kill us early on, we're liable to run into trouble with lung cancer despite never smoking ourselves.
All this, with constantly having so much effort asked of us every day, is extremely stressful and oh so tiring. Vaea's not sure how much longer it'll hold up, but it will try its best. It promises to keep trying to stay alive. Because death is the scariest thing it can imagine happening.
Over the weekend we got our second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine! That means that in less than 2 weeks time, we will be able to consider ourselves fully vaccinated!
Vaea is aware that this isn't exactly great fodder for a particularly long journal entry, but it felt this was an important enough event to announce in the journal nonetheless.
The rest of the weekend was quite tiring for reasons unrelated to the vaccine. Our home life is hectic, and for some reason going on outings seems to make all of it far worse. Anyway that's all Vaea has for today. See you tomorrow.
Vaea's been playing a Modpack called Crucial 2 with some friends over the past few days. It's been fun even though we haven't accomplished a ton. Sometimes it's just nice to sit around and go fishing. Our builds are not particularly impressive, but Vaea thinks that's probably okay. Nothing needs to be particularly grand. Anyway, that's all Vaea had for today. See you next week.
Vaea just wants to know. What the fuck are emotions? How do people just... know what they're feeling? Vaea can generally identify the most basic emotions. But beyond that, it's at a complete loss. Why do feelings need to be so weird and complex? Why can't Vaea just understand and vocalize how it feels about a given person? It's like every emotion has to be this weird cacophany of various different emotions. It can never just be simple. It's like "Oh wow, Vaea's eyes are leaking. Wonder why that is?" and then Vaea just sits there wondering what the fuck is happening.
Vaea does not have any sort of elegant way to end this entry. So it supposes it'll just end on that note of it crying all the time without really knowing why.
Vaea's experiencing a writer's block today. This is unfortunate, because Vaea was actually hoping that it could get a week's worth of very long entries in. Unfortunately, all you get is an entry about how Vaea doesn't know what to write about. Hopefully tomorrow is better. See you then ^~^
Vaea was thinking about two games last night. Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy, and Celeste.
They are surprisingly similar pieces of art, with messages that complement each other very well.
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy is a game about climbing a mountain. It's a game about how sometimes you run into obstacles that, no matter how hard you try, are simply insurmountable. Good on you if you can overcome the odds and get past the obstacle, but sometimes you just can't. That's okay. It's okay to not be able to do something.
Celeste is a game about climbing a mountain. It's a game about how sometimes you create obstacles for yourself that aren't really there. It's a game about ignoring the part of yourself that says an obstacle is insurmountable, and persevering nonetheless. It may take you one try, or it may take you a thousand tries. That's okay. It's okay to work at whatever pace it takes you to get past those mental barriers.
Celeste Mountain expects you to climb it. The mountain in Getting Over It does not.
The key difference is the framing of these obstacles. Getting Over It explicitly frames its obstacles as real obstacles that are really there, external. Celeste, in contrast, frames its obstacles as constructs of the mind, internal. They are both amazing pieces of art that both have good messages that they deliver very effectively.
Over the weekend happened the launch of Hermitcraft Eight! For those not in the know, Hermitcraft is a whitelisted Minecraft server on which several people record their gameplay and post it onto YouTube.
Vaea is very excited, because this means a fresh start and an opportunity to watch people it has never watched before. The two newest members of the server are GeminiTay and PearlescentMoon. Vaea is particularly interested in watching more of Gem's content, on account of her absolutely lovely personality. ^~^
Of course there's also the returning members. Vaea will likely try to keep up with EVERYONE this season. But it will note some that it will be keeping a special eye on.
MumboJumbo's pacifist challenge seems like it'll make Mumbo's season a very interesting one for sure. Docm77 seems to have something huge lined up, and it seems worthwhile to look out for more of whatever he's doing. Once again mentioning that GeminiTay is simply a joy to watch. And with Scar recently embracing the most intense ends of his chaotic side in 3rd Life, Vaea is very excited to see how he behaves with the gimmick he's chosen for the start of this season.
If you're also a viewer of Hermitcraft, Vaea hopes you enjoy watching as well! It also hopes that this journal entry has maybe convinced you to start watching if you weren't already.
This week is going to be artless, simply because Vaea does not feel like doing art this week.
Oh wow, it's Friday. The week just sneaks up on you sometimes, doesn't it? Vaea's surprisingly been doing a lot this week. It actually started running a Beta 1.7.3 Minecraft server for some friends!
Vaea usually plays a lot of rounds of The Binding of Isaac: Four Souls, but it hasn't really been making much time for that this week. Other games have been managing to keep its attention. Yesterday it played a couple Lego games with a friend who also enjoys Lego games.
Since we're talking about games, Vaea may as well bring up Trailmakers. It's a fun little exploration game where you build vehicles out of legally distinct Lego. It's absolutely worth checking out if you have the money for it.
And let's get on a roll with these game recommendations. Cooking Simulator. Vaea promises it's not one of those "simulator" games where the physics engine fights against you, but it can get rather hectic as you accumulate more complex recipes and the rate of orders increases.
Now that Vaea's gotten all this gaming talk out of its system, it invites you to game on!
It's hard to decide what to write about most days. Often what Vaea chooses is something very mundane and easy to write about. There's so much to write about, but would any of it actually make for a good entry?
A similar problem presents itself with video games. Vaea has literally hundreds of games to choose from, and yet it instead sits here... browsing social media. Often Vaea will find itself rather lethargically playing one game until it becomes completely burnt out.
Vaea has so many games, and yet hardly plays any of them. So many choices... and yet none.
Vaea's considering starting a Minecraft world to play and log on this website. More specifically, Vaea thinks it would be neat to play Minecraft Beta 1.7.3 and simply show off everything it ends up building via screenshots.
Vaea has had a hard time actually getting into Minecraft lately, and it has a theory that such an exercise in nostalgia may help it to develop inspiration for builds.
You may or may not end up seeing a new section on the website dedicated to this classic version of the block game sometime soon. Keep an eye out, and make sure to follow this website on Neocities to stay updated. Or keep checking back at the very least.
Yesterday Vaea listened to a rather delightful song. After being pestered constantly by all the art being put onto its Twitter timeline, it finally decided to check out ANTONYMPH by Vylet Pony. And holy shit that was so amazing. Vaea nearly cried (but didn't because it's really difficult to just cry v~v).
My Little Pony really was a defining thing in our childhood... it's unfortunate that we haven't let our enjoyment of it continue to define us, even after binge watching the entire series recently and loving it. It's like this mask is just stuck, and we can't get it off.
What happened? Where is the cringe? VAEA WANTS TO BE CRINGE!
Over the weekend, Vaea discovered yet another slice of the old web! A forum known as Jul. Browsing through Neocities can really bring you to a lot of places you've never seen before, and Jul seems like a really nice community.
Vaea is glad there are cool people who are still keeping this form of internet alive. The forum appears to have, thus far, accepted Vaea with all its quirks, and that's just wonderful!
This is a way of experiencing the web Vaea never really got to be involved in, unless you think Google Gadgets and Facebook games count as "old web", but Vaea thinks likely not.
For the curious, here's the URL for the forum: https://jul.rustedlogic.net/index.php
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Today, Vaea would like to talk about video games. Vaea has quite minimal experience with strategy games, but this one has managed to rope it in.
Even if you consider yourself bad at strategy games, Vaea thinks you should try playing Wargroove. It's got a stellar tutorial that does an amazing job of actually teaching you how to play the game and manage the board. Just a fun reminder that it never hurts to try something new! You might be surprised what you find.
Today's art is not actually by Vaea. It's one of the sprites from Wargroove! Enjoy ^~^
Vaea just watched Up. It was a fun adventure! People have discussed the first 10 minutes on end, but like... the rest of the movie is good too?
Maybe Vaea's just a sucker for watching character development happen, but it was really cool seeing Carl warm up to everyone over time. It was also cool seeing everyone become tougher as a result of their adventures.
Pixar's put out quite a few good films. Vaea's been enjoying watching them a lot. It forgot to mention Soul in its last post, but that was a genuinely beautiful film as well.
The adventure that a well-told story can take you on is truly something else. Don't be afraid to kick back and watch some movies every once in a while.
Vaea has not done much. Vaea is tired and has a headache. Please forgive Vaea for the brevity of this post, but it does not have much to say today.
Video games are fun, at least. Perhaps Vaea will put in some game time in an attempt to gather inspiration for a new post.
Hopefully tomorrow Vaea will be able to deliver more interesting content to you. Until then, have a good day!
Vaea watched WALL-E last night. It was rather entranced by the visual storytelling on display. It's always impressive how much can be said without a single word.
Vaea's been watching a lot of Pixar films lately. A Bug's Life is a pretty average film overall, but Vaea was impressed by the explicitly anti-capitalist message of it.
Monsters Inc. was primarily just a fun adventure for Vaea. High action, and some nice emotional moments as well. The characters were pretty well developed, too. It was all very nice and fun.
Ratatouille is probably among Vaea's favourite films now. There is simply something about messages surrounding art and the act of creation that speaks to Vaea. "Anyone can cook" is a concept that makes Vaea feel very good inside.
It's really fun to find flavours (literal or metaphorical) that work together in whatever art you create. Experimentation goes a long way, and feels satisfying when you make something that just works. Art is... really truly beautiful.
Vaea believes anyone can find something in the act of creation, and that any creation has the potential to speak to someone in some way. Whatever it is that you create, keep doing it and get better. Vaea believes in you. Make more art happen!
Vaea's decided to add this text posts section to the website. It does not yet know what sort of things it will write here, but this seems to be a start.
Vaea will try, at the very least, to make these posts longer than a tweet (that's 280 characters for the uninformed).
Vaea hopes this will end up meaning something to it eventually. If not, at least it's good to have some sort of routine.